To Leave the One Behind
by TartarusTheAmbitious
Summary: I made this during the last two months of Sophomore year. Had a friend revise it for me. So I don't know if i'm going to make this into a full fledged story. I might one day. Hopefully you guys enjoy this one.
1. Chapter 1

I was staring into the eyes of a lifeless child.

He died while I was trying to staunch the deep bloodied wound that kept bleeding and bleeding. In those dark seconds, while he was writhing and moaning in pain in my arms, he kept putting a hand to my cheek as if his life depended on it. I reassured him that he'd be OK while I, of course, through my fogged and blinded mind, had hoped that he would survive too. My high hopes didn't last long though. As his movements got weaker, he began gasping, and struggling for breath. Finally, blood slid out of his mouth and he went limp. I didn't have time to register what had happened at that moment because I kept spouting words of comfort. When I realized he wasn't making any noises, I stopped, shook him a bit, and repeated his name with a croaked voice. That's when reality hit me like a ton of bricks he was gone and it was to late to save him.

I uncovered the wound with my bloody hand and brought my fingers up to close his eyes. Cupping his cheek, I shook my head. Slowly I brought my forehead to his and softly murmured with sorrow. " I'm sorry". I kissed his forehead and lay him back on the cold ground.

My gaze landed on my discarded sword and gun then, standing up, I walked over to them. Putting the weapons back into my sheath and holster, I sighed. I glanced down at the lifeless body that killed the boy and, scowling I walked over to it and kicked its side harshly, before returning to the boys corpse. I kneeled beside him, and brought my fingers up to caress the side of his cheek. I did not care about the blood creating a tiny pool right next to his wound; I was covered in blood anyway. I picked him up bridal style, and carried the body out of the abandoned chapel. It was dawn now, and the sky was a dark, bloody, orange hue. I made the decision to bury this child, but not here, not in this tainted place.

Was there nowhere beautiful to bury this child?

I placed the rose on the ground in front of the gravestone. It took me hours to dig out a proper pit let alone one that was going to contain a body and a coffin. I stood there, hands in my pockets, as the wind blew my ebony hair in my face, and tried to whisk my trench coat away from me.I stare numbly at the words that I carved into the stone. Aiden was his name, but he never told me his last.

I recalled asking for his age and he told me he was eleven. He seemed younger, so much younger than that; like age seven. I smiled a little. Reminding myself that looks can deceive. I'm guessing the soft features of his face contrasted his maturity. The way he smiled brightly, as blue, clear as an ocean orbs sparkled in the light. The way his skin his pale skin glowed ever so softly like a newborn baby, and how his shaggy jet black hair swayed softly in his face, in sync with the wind.

When we first met, I thought he was nothing but a thorn in my side. I pushed him away away when he wanted to help me, and I hurt him. Yet, as time went on I went soft on him and got accustomed to his childish ways. The results is that fights lessened between us. He didn't deserve any of my cruelty on my part. I sighed and closed my eyes. I was stubborn, of course, and I never said sorry. As time neared to his end it was too late. I opened my eyes again, looking up heavenwards I whispered, "Forgive me." Silently knowing it would be picked up within the wind and continue into oblivion. This was my punishment.


	2. Chapter 2

As I woke up, I turned over and the familiar feeling of loneliness rushes back. I reached over to grasp the empty sleeping bag. I trace it wistfully with my hand. The blanket felt silky and cold. Not the familiar comforting warmness I was used to. I stare at it a while longer as my hand stopped tracing it. Memories of yesterday rushed back to my already wounded mind. I hated the cold, hard truth. I sunk myself deeper into the comforting warmth and sighed.

One less sleeping bag to take care of. I grimaced shakily just thinking about it.

I sat up, stretched my stiff body, and stood up. I walked over to the old stool that held my clothes. I swiftly grabbed my shirt, and put that on, then my pants. I threw on my jet colored trench coat for the finishing touch. I glanced down to the left of my sleeping bag. My harness, revolver, 2K47, sword, dagger, and my belt settled with a click. I walked over and grabbed my belt, snapping it on. Then I put my revolver in its holster, and the sword and dagger in their sheaths. I grab my harness and slung it on. I then put my 2K47 in its holder. I was finally set.

I woke up early so I could make it to my destination before the sun set over the horizon. I needed to find my way to where i needed to be. But, before that, I wanted to visit Aiden one last time, and say my final farewell to him.

It wasn't a long trek to the grave that lay on top of a flat hill. It wasn't short either, but I made it either way. I approached the stone tentatively. It was surrounded by flowers, just the way Aiden liked. I was happy and obliged to lay him to rest with their grace and beauty. One flower wreath of white, pink, and red lay on the stone that i spent time making. I brought my hand to feel the flowers. I ruffled them a bit. They felt soft, and smelled great. They already had water, once it rains again this field of flowers and lush green grass will be fed again. I gave a small smile imagining Aiden smiling his bright smile, and dancing around, laughing wholeheartedly.

I placed my hand on the gravestone, and took a deep breath before letting it out. The breeze picked up again and I shivered. I did not ignore it, but embraced it. I knew he was listening. That much gave me comfort.

I opened my mouth and spoke, carefully.

"Hey Aiden", I started softly, slowly. My voice had betrayed me. It sounded small and about to crack. I hated it.

Silence.

"I hope you like the flowers? You told me what flowers you liked, right?" I swallowed not waiting for the answer. I gestured to the flowers, "Cause I got em' right here, scattered across including the ones you didn't mention, but I thought you'd appreciate it more if there were other flowers around".

I tried to put on a smile but it failed. The silence was overwhelming but I kept my cool. I looked toward the ground and exhaled. I looked back up at the stone again, and i could feel a small tear form at the corner of my eye. I wiped it away a little to roughly.

"Do you love it here". I did my best to pick a spot. "I looked over to my right, and saw the sun rising above the horizon. It was beautiful, breathtaking even. It was one of those moments where you can just sit and watch it forever, falsely thinking it would never end. Sadly, that wasn't true. If Aiden were still alive he would've said, "Would you look at that! Amazing, Huh?". Or something long and lengthily. At the end of his, "Inspirational, sappy or cheesy" quote, he would smile widely with eyes glimmering. I imagine him doing that right now sitting on top the gravestone.

If he said yes, I didn't hear it.

I turned my attention back at the gravestone. Time was running out.

"I'm leaving". I finally said a little more quietly. That's when my vision became blurry.

I hated goodbyes.

I felt my knees give in and I made no attempt to resist. I needed to let this out since nobody was around to watch me.

"Aiden, I'm sorry for treating you like trash since we first met." Sobs were flowing now. I was aware that I sounded like a baby. "I'm sorry I despised you at first and I pushed you around. Even driving you away when I physically hurt you. But you came back to me, right?" I looked directly at the gravestone as if I were demanding an answer. "You weren't afraid of me were you?" I couldn't look at the stone anymore. My attention and tears were on the grassy and flowery ground, again.

I chuckled a bit bitterly. "I got to admit I'm pretty sure you're a bit disappointed in me for breaking down like this?" I pause sitting upright now on my knees. I didn't bother to wipe the salty water off my face. "I'm quite ashamed of doing so myself".

I could imagine Aiden going to his knees in front of me, putting a hand on my wet cheek, and smiling. I envisioned him, prompting me to go on and just get it out. I could imagine Aiden saying softly with understanding "Let it go, Engel. Just let it out". He would reassure me to cry on. At times like this, Aiden had acted like the mature one when i needed the comfort. I tried to hide it, but he saw right through me. I loved that about him. "When I needed help I pushed you away. But you came when I was in danger, and tended to my wounds when I was injured". I sniffed, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. "Of course when you found me, you knew the consequences of my anger, and getting into danger. You just shrugged it off without a care in the world, and came to me with much care and concern". I tearfully smiled, "We argued over and over and you still wouldn't give".

A pause, "Stubborn". I quietly said.

"But you knew," I bitterly said as I felt hot fresh tears slide down my face, onto my neck, soaking my clothes. "You knew that would eventually lead to your demise".

Silence. Silence. Silence.

I slammed my fists onto the ground hard, and I did not care about the pain.

"But damn it! I couldn't save you!" I wailed , yelled, and sobbed harder. If only I had paid more attention to the man who was so focused on you, I could've shot him in the head and pulled you away! You would've been fine! But damn it! The others had my attention and I was too slow!

At this point, I wasn't thrashing anymore or violating the ground. I was reduced to small, pained, lonely sobs. "I'm sorry". I whispered. I wanted to sinking into the ground and be with him. But I knew that's not how death worked. "When I heard that bang and I watched that bullet go, I froze and saw that smug of a smile. I didn't want to think of it because I wanted to wipe that disgusting smile off his face. "I killed the man." Silence followed. "I slashed at his stomach first then, shot him in the head. I watched him fall, and I heard a thud and the echoing crack of his skull. I smiled. How satisfying it sounded to me.

"Silence followed, and that's when I heard a choked noise. I whipped my head to look over and that's when I saw you". I couldn't bring myself to say anymore. I remembered the sight of his eyes, Him. His hand, his bloody hand; he looked at me. Him about to fall over; Oh God. I immediately ran over to him, caught him in my arms, and lowered ourselves to the ground. I was in shock. Everything happened so fast, it was just a blur. Then I, asking myself what the hell had happened. Why he was bleeding.

Then I watched a child in agony. No way of help, and see the light drain from his eyes. I felt so helpless with the feeling of unwanted hard truth. Months spending time with this child, and I wouldn't have thought of departing our ways like this. Never.

at last I finally found myself saying, "I'm going to miss you a lot". I hugged the stone like a lost puppy; staying like that for at least two or three minutes before standing up weakly, and wiping my tears. "Aiden", I wanted to say that name again one last time; if not always in the future. "I wish we could've settled our differences earlier and be finished being bitter. I really am sorry. I regret doing that; Being a horrible, emotionless bitch to you". I snorted to myself. I ask myself this question, Why? Why did one realize how much a person meant to them once they were gone? I guess the saying, "Cherish the moments and cherish all who mean a lot to you," really comes to meaning. The wind wiped at my hair again. "I really wish we had a happy ending." I place my hand on top of the stone. Closing my eyes, with a tear sliding down; I said, "Farewell". I turned to my right and walked on.

To me, I didn't like the feeling it left when I was leaving this place. Maybe it was guilt, the beauty, the loneliness, or the spirit I was leaving behind. I didn't know.


End file.
